I could sense the vibes were all wrong when I called up to find out my friend’s whereabouts. It was the scheduled date for her check up with the doctor. And seems all is not good. Well, she is far from out of danger!
But why do I feel, the hospital is hinting to close her case down..? As if their interest is drifting away..! Have they given up on her? Already..?
The fresh turn of events is setting up a tone I don’t like. Some haunting questions are echoing back… again and again, imposing, and this time there are not many takers…
And though my heart feels as heavy as made of lead, I don’t feel thunderstruck!
The shock value is gone…
The pain is dull, layered in the cushion of time, and so lost it’s sharpness.
And it feels more like fatigue …
Like a strange selfish act, I observe how my mind is longing to disconnect itself from it all, only to concentrate on my much-looked forward trip tomorrow!
I ask myself in horror, am I also abandoning her?
Abandoning the idea of her recovery?
It’s a sinking feeling, a kind of drag. A bottomless abyss.
The hopelessness returns and how…!