00:45 HRS

MOOD: NOSTALGIC

I knew my day was made when I took a walk across the rain-drenched city. My good old familiar hometown. A quick splash of Spring rain in the afternoon brought out a glimpse of my days from childhood… and once again I felt, despite my personal losses and all haunting nostalgia… perhaps nothing really altered beneath its apparent aloofness. The city remained where it belonged to. The rain-soaked city smelled the same from my childhood… the pseudo austerity of its ever-changing skyline was no longer intimidating on my unaccustomed senses… 

…

More dark clouds floated across the pensive sky… and the rain poured like soft melancholy on droopy roadside trees.

The healing comfort of reminiscence…

…

And I get ready for a long hiatus.. time has come to delve into some hard-boiled reality now..

P

23:45 HRS

MOOD: DAZED

My head still is cradled on a tense pillow of aftershock. My system still refuses to assimilate the inflow of information… and my mind blanks out on and off.. as if throwing back all the unprocessed data into the labyrinth of disbelief…!

Love was fated.

P

01:00 HRS

MOOD: DEEP BLUE

Today my mind had taken me on a time-travel.. to that small sleepy listless township in an insignificant corner of the planet ~ that I left behind… where life forever turned a blind eye to me. Where no flicker of thrill ever crossed my path. No hope, no promise, no future. For years my only bliss was in the embrace of abundant nature. My secret punchbag, my beautiful hideaway.

… And I had my dreams. Perhaps in one of my wildest dreams I imagined you wheeling past my backyard… country air caressing your hair.. the shadow of clouds kissing your forehead.

You never came. Years went by. You have always liked the city..!
Then what happened now? Why did you come now? 

When moonlight does not drench my garden any longer? When no wind-chimes sing along the breeze? When I shall never go back to stand in that night-window again?

Why did you come so late? Why did you come at all??

P

01:00 HRS

MOOD: OVERCAST

I was sleepwalking… through a drizzly dream in the valley.
Your coffee brewing in the mist.. didn’t wake me up.. 

…

There were raindrops on my windowpane.

P

MOOD: INTUITIVE

The vibes are inarticulate and yet they are such powerful messengers. The silent night air screams CHANGE! You do not notice. A quiet reformation is being written in the cosmic trail. Look up. Try my vantage point..

P

I am staying up. To paint the moon dark in my shadowy anticipation.

thunderstorm..

00:30 HRS

00:40 HRS

MOOD: SEEKING

I have no idea when do I get there but I have an inkling that I will. I am hovering through the deep dark labyrinth of uncertainty. I keep holding on to the believe that night seems to be the darkest just before the dawn. I keep reminding myself even in darkness… that today I am standing closer to my goal than I was yesterday. 

P

23:30 HRS

MOOD: SOLITARY

I wish there was someone to hold on to during this never-ending phase of waiting and crisis. Someone to assure me of everything falling into their places soon..! But perhaps everyone is fighting a lonely battle within… Everyone is damaged, wounded and isolated. Like a cluster of estranged islands, we would never reach out to anyone in our apparent togetherness. We are destined to live and die alone, in our desolate mind.

P

01:05 HRS

MOOD: MUSING

On that luminous evening, I watched my heart flutter and fluster in aspiration of a demented lover ~ as I fixed him with an anxious gaze of nostalgia…

…

And then words failed me.. for the longest interval of an awkward and delirious enigma..

…

He was for real after all.

P

15:20 HRS

MOOD: PONDERING..

I have learned that no feelings ever die, they just hide in some deep dark place within us.. only to be magically retrieved when it’s time.

And I felt that a kind of defense mechanism is tirelessly working in the background of the day to day life. Like every other time I’m telling myself that I don’t much care if I get to see him or not. I lie to me. May be I want to save my heart from him.

It’s not easy to give yourself completely to anyone. Time has taught me to hold back from giving myself completely. For I fear, may be he wouldn’t care. Or may be he would. I have decided, I would rather not find out.

So here is my honest confession of the zero hour, I’m never totally happy to see him! A part of me isn’t..!  A part of me is incapacitate. We are complex beings. Especially those who are in love.

Off to make memories now…

P

23:10 HRS

MOOD: ETHEREAL

Exactly three months after I landed in my city, you have set your foot here today. And as if everything around me has altered so instinctively..! The color of sunset is a shade unreal.. the breeze whispers a message, perhaps they conspire to reveal to me.. that tonight you will anchor yourself barely a mile away or two from here… that I could take a walk into the night and find me at your doorsteps..!

I wonder, how many years have passed by since we both lived a day in such close vicinity, under the same city-sky…! Just to let you know, tonight I do not feel like a nomadic in my hometown.. thank you for coming.

Dazzle me numb tomorrow!

[countdown ~ 1 day]

P

23:30 HRS

MOOD: WILTING

Woke up in a man-made hell today. The morning wrote a perfect antithesis of my moonlit fairy-tale. I watched the soft petals of kindness and compassion are withering in a corner. Air is stale with lost dignity and virtue… and dreams find it hard to breathe on..

I am rapidly losing my faith in humanity. ..I am waiting for you, save your damsel in distress… take her away to your cloud castle..! 

I am falling apart.. I am so falling apart..!! Reality isn’t for me..!

[countdown ~ 2 days]

P

00:10 HRS

MOOD: RETROSPECTIVE

Beloved. Life comes a full circle. I have passed through thousand sleepless moons.. misted with million sighs and laced in pieces of broken dreams, since that one Autumn sunset by the sea ~ that resembled a trance.

That memory resembles reminiscence of a dream now.

[countdown ~ 3 days]

P